17 October 1987
The industrial-sounding percussion at the start of ‘You Win Again’ is intriguing; it has depth and texture. This doesn’t last, of course. In comes the synthiest of synths, then that familiar deadening falsetto that flattens everything, so we know it’s another typically terrible Bee Gees record. Cruelly, we get another tantalising glimpse of what a good Bee Gees record, a purely theoretical concept no matter how much you try to sell me on ‘To Love Somebody’, could be: Robin Gibb’s sweet, fluttery “Oh girl!” like a real singer doing actual singing on a likeable song with a competent producer. Then it’s back to strangling the chipmunk.
I’ve listened through the awful singing and discerned the lyrics; I don’t recommend you follow suit. This is Phil Collins-style male passive aggressive whining: a lover scorned and ridiculed, venting his sour misogyny in single entendres. “I’m gonna hit you from all sides / Lay your fortress open wide / Nobody stops this body from taking you” – the vibe that comes off this horrible song is like the light refracted by a prism of shit.
