21 October 1994
So here it begins: the Irish boyband era. I almost feel silly trying to give this close attention as a piece of music. Boyzone records were really just items of Boyzone merchandise, on the same level as Boyzone posters, Boyzone concert tickets and Boyzone T-shirts; the actual music on them was secondary, a mere pretext to have something to sell. I have no problem with this in principle, by the way; it’s just that these records made no pretence at being good music or even interestingly bad music. The conservative song choices and cheap production on every Boyzone hit give that game away, plus we’ve since seen enough of Louis Walsh, the kingpin of Irish boybanditry, to recognise his interests and methods.
Despite busting some uptempo moves on their legendary Late Late Show debut, the Boyzone project was clearly one of cheesy balladry: after all, the audition song for the initial 300 Boyzone aspirants was ‘Careless Whisper’, which leans to the Gary Barlow rather than the Robbie Williams wing of Take That. On that point, for all the stated aims of finding an Irish Take That, I wonder if the real role model here was Boyz II Men: insipid ballads, matching shirts, the only dance move being to get up off their stools in unison for the key change. Anyway, and with the Westlife asteroid still out in deep space but hurtling inexorably towards us, here we are with the first of Boyzone’s nine Irish number ones.
The tell of ‘Love Me For A Reason’ is the line about “I’m just a little old-fashioned” – bland, inoffensive, conservative cornball is the appeal here, because Louis knows this is what sells to the widest base. Stephen Gately’s voice is pleasant but has no force or character, Ronan Keating’s voice is the off-tune bleating of a quizzical sheep, and the three other lads can be seen here too. Schmaltzy keyboards and multi-tracked vocals pad out the rest. Much like Bay City Rollers records in the ’70s, Boyzone records in the ’90s were just merch for a fanbase, and good luck to everyone involved. It was shoddy, cynical merch, though.
