21 June 1969
The coolest Beatle is Ringo, obviously, but the second-coolest is Yoko. (From top to bottom, the official Beatles Coolness Ranking goes: Ringo; Yoko; George Martin; Brian Epstein; Stuart Sutcliffe; Billy Preston; Astrid Kirchherr; Wilfrid Bramble; Aunt Mimi; the people rattling their jewellery; any other Beatles.) So, as with ‘Woman’, our other Irish chart-topper written by her husband about her, I’ll be giving Yoko a pass from any responsibility for this track.
Yes, it’s self-indulgent and half-arsed. (It’s also half-Beatled, since John and Paul are the only two who play on it.) Yes, it asks me to throw some spare change of give-a-damn towards millionaire rock star John Lennon as he lounges in luxury hotel beds and eats chocolate cake in Vienna. (I’ve been to Vienna and the chocolate cake there is fantastic, especially the Sachertorte, but you don’t get me writing about it.) However, compared to Paul’s schmaltz of that era, ‘The Ballad Of John And Yoko’ has an attractive energy plus that classic Lennon spikiness, notably in the exuberant taking-the-Lord’s-name-in-vain which makes it the second Irish number one single (after ‘Seven Drunken Nights’) that was banned from Irish radio. And its central drama is John and Yoko at the pointy end of the cruel, parasitical, hypocritical British press, still an observation of notable currency. All considered, this is a lot more likeable than I had remembered or expected. Your da should give Yoko a break too.
Neither ‘Something’ nor ‘Let It Be’ get higher than number three in the Irish charts, which means ‘The Ballad Of John And Yoko’ is The Beatles’ final Irish number one single. Something else to put it in a more positive light; that last stat is despite the high-profile yet ill-advised efforts of ‘Free As A Bird’, ‘Real Love’ and especially the already-forgotten ‘Now And Then’. So perhaps it’s better that this is where our trip along Ireland’s number ones will part ways with The Beatles: a contrary, energetic contemporary rocker rather than a dreary, mercantile latter-day cash-in. As a wise person once said: “You don’t take nothing with you but your soul.”
