27 September 1973
‘The Ballroom Blitz’ stands with ‘Bootylicious’ by Destiny’s Child on the short list of songs that begin by naming the members of the group. Also memorable here: the swinging drum intro, the crunchy glam guitars, the lightning-flash three-chord riff that nails the chorus, and another of Steve Priest’s flamboyant pre-chorus calls to awaken the Kraken of campiness in your soul.
But ultimately, do I like ‘The Ballroom Blitz’? I’m surprised to find myself humming and hawing, rather than simply humming. Sure, it’s glam, which I love. However, like other tracks written and produced for the likes of Suzi Quatro and Mud by Chinn & Chapman—a Stock Aitken and Waterman for the platform-boot generation—it’s an Americanised glam, all cartoonish ’50s rock & roll pastiche and put-onnery, that I appreciate is tooled to crack the States but loses some of the charm of Chinnichap’s own earlier ‘Block Buster!’. It’s like when Pierce Brosnan used to play Irish characters in Irish-set movies like Taffin and Evelyn but instead of using his own accent tried to do a generic cattle-mart Oirish brogue for the American market; perhaps grand to newbies or the untrained ear, but a contrivance to us in the know.
So, while ‘The Ballroom Blitz’ is still glam within the meaning of the act, it’s closer to the muscular heavy metal theatricality of Alice Cooper than the slinky pop effervescence of T. Rex, which means it’s pitched to a US rock audience rather than to me – and since I wasn’t around at the time, that’s fair enough. And what do you know: where the much better but far campier ‘Block Buster!’ barely cracked the Billboard top 75, ‘The Ballroom Blitz’ was a top five hit Stateside. Turns out America was ready for that jelly, but I’d still prefer a different Sweet.
