17 July 1982 I don't get it. Was there a big 'South Pacific' revival that year? A Captain Sensible cargo cult? Or is it simply that the critical mass of 'children's record' plus 'stage musical record' plus 'novelty record' overheated into a number one hit? Obviously as a small child back then I was aware … Continue reading Captain Sensible – ‘Happy Talk’ →

26 June 1982 Karma, as the Catholic clergy probably don't say; last week's ode to buying your first condoms is replaced at number one by a woman telling another woman to be glad she's a stay-at-home housewife and mother. Our narrator even calls out her own "subtle whoring", a stringent line on unmarried sex that … Continue reading Charlene – ‘I’ve Never Been To Me’ →

19 June 1982 The sale of contraceptives had finally been legalised in Ireland in 1980 - but to buy them at a pharmacy you needed a prescription from your doctor. Only in 1985 were they finally permitted for general sale. So, a song about buying condoms topping the Irish charts in 1982 should really have … Continue reading Madness – ‘House Of Fun’ →

24 April 1982 There is good and bad in everyone. Can we say the same about this, perhaps the most reviled pop hit of the '80s? Well, the chorus is catchy. But that's what ensures 'Ebony And Ivory' lives on in infamy; no one who hears it can forget its horrors. This is a song … Continue reading Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder – ‘Ebony And Ivory’ →

3 April 1982 Okay, I get that in 1982 there was a market for schlager-friendly, disco-fied Caribbean-sounding pop. At least with Boney M you could get your gladrags on, bop around the place, and still learn about Russia's greatest love machine. But this is dreadful. I guess the pitch for this was Boney M meets … Continue reading Goombay Dance Band – ‘Seven Tears’ →

27 February 1982 I haven't seen The Lion King in any of its iterations, but I understand it includes a version of 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'. Hopefully not this version, which wears the song's Zulu origins and culture like a leopard-skin loincloth. The low, rumbling refrain is still residually catchy and if you search online … Continue reading Tight Fit – ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’ →

6 February 1982 He hadn't gone away, you know; this was Shaky's fourth Irish number one in ten months. The writing process was especially arduous: Mary-hairy, Gerty-dirty and Nelly-smelly were all considered but, like some Rose of Tralee of crapness, it was Julie and her truly who won out. Sonically too we have invention; some … Continue reading Shakin’ Stevens – ‘Oh Julie’ →

23 January 1982 Right after 'One Of Us', here's another Eurovision winner with an unlikely reggae groove. Even more unlikely is the subsequent revelation by its writers that this song's lyrics are actually a critique of Thatcherism. I say 'revelation' because I doubt anyone would have guessed it otherwise, unless there's a Wolfe Tones cover … Continue reading Bucks Fizz – ‘The Land Of Make Believe’ →