22 November 2019
[Content warning: self-harm]
Combine the intensity of electronic music, the intensity of teenage feelings, and the intensity of a subdued vocal delivery: that’s already quite intense. Add the lyrical themes of unhappiness, world-weariness and terminal self-harm, and ‘Everything I Wanted’ becomes more intense again. The video below is audio only with a still of the track art, a painting of the dramatic location mentioned in the lyrics; the actual video for the song features Billie Eilish and her brother-collaborator Finneas together carrying out a different sort of slowly dramatic terminal act. The Samaritans (in Ireland at the freephone number 116 123 and at samaritans.org/ireland) are among the organisations available to contact if you have similar themes on your mind.
And yet, to this listener anyway, ‘Everything I Wanted’ doesn’t come across as tasteless or self-indulgent as such a track by any other teen could be. The terminal act is mentioned obliquely, briefly, and as taking place in a dream. The entire track and its lyrics have a dream-like impressionistic blur. The melody is sinewy and memorable. Most of all, Billie Eilish’s understated delivery sells the depth of feeling with conviction, and the resolution of the lyrical storyline is one of solace in companionship. Intense, yes, and perhaps not for everyone, but impressive.
